Conclave

 Conclave (2024) is a mildly entertaining movie about the political machinations involved in the selection of the Pope.  The picture is very shallow, probably by necessity -- I assume that actual proceedings in the College of Cardinals would be so revolting and offensive as to be unbearable and an affront, I suppose, to millions of Roman Catholics.  Conclave shows these negotiations as something akin to the wheeling and dealing in the old TV show about the presidency, The West Wing.  The  West Wing was comfortably, even cozily, liberal and quick to temper its mild cynicism with all the conventional pieties and sentimental idealism associated with American democracy -- it wasn't a horror show like Veep for instance.  Similarly, Conclave takes the middle road; it's sweetly reasonable with opposing positions that are not so extreme that they can't be compromised.  There's no sense that anything of importance is really at stake.  After all, the movie, presumably, is made by people who don't believe in God, let alone the authority of the Holy Roman Catholic Church, directed by a liberal German Edgar Berger,, and, generally. promoted for secular audiences. The script could have been written by Aaron Sorkin -- there are lots of colloquies while people are walking about the Vatican, some speeches expressing opposing policies in schematic form, and, at last, a happy ending in which all turns out for the best.  (Conclave has a silly plot twist in its last ten minutes that is extraneous to the movie, poorly motivated, and, in fact, questionable on all sorts of grounds.)  I can recommend Conclave so long as viewers don't expect too much out of it.  

The old Pope has unexpectedly died. There are rumors about his last acts which may have involved disciplining one of the more ambitious cardinals and his appointment of a new member of the Colleg of Cardinals, in this case a Mexican cardinal who serves as the Bishop of Kabul -- the priests express wonder at the notion that there are even Catholics in Afghanistan.  Implausibly, the identity of this new cardinal has been concealed out of fear for his safety.  The conclave is divided between liberal and right-wing conservatives led by a man named Tedesco who, apparently, wants to return to the good old days of the Tridentine Mass.  The film leaves no doubt as to the sympathies of the moviemakers (and the audience).  There are 108 cardinals voting with a majority of 72 required to elect the new Pope.  With the exception of a few short scenes showing buses transporting the priests (and a contingent of nuns) to the Vatican, the entire action takes place in the Sistine Chapel where balloting takes place, a refectory with kitchens, and a grim, prison-like dormitory where the priests stay in small cheerless rooms that are ill-lit, look uncomfortable, and don't even have TV sets.  (I don't know about you but I sure don't want a Pope who doesn't watch at least a couple hours of TV a night.)  The scene-setting is effective and, for a time, the movie entertains by simply showing us things that most of us have never seen -- that is, the secret corridors and chambers at the Vatican and the protocols involving the vote in the Sistine Chapel.  (The Chapel is portrayed as a gloomy, cold chamber with dim, stupid-looking pictures vaguely visible on its walls.  The only color and light in the movie is provided by the brilliant scarlet robes of the cardinals.)  The movie traffics in every kind of cliche and stereotype:  a Polish priest is always drunk (too much vodka); a bumpkin Bishop from Nigeria is affable and outgoing but gets sidelined by a sex scandal.  There is a dour nun who represents the fact that half the Catholic Church, of course, is comprised of women.  But true to form, the nun's part is completely underwritten and her motivations are entirely opaque -- she scowls and gives one short speech, but, otherwise, the screenwriters don't give this character much to do.  (This is a shame because the part is played by Isabella Rossellini).  The priests are sequestered and can't leave Vatican City.  On the soundtrack, we hear some remote explosions and, at one point, a blast from a bomb set by Islamic terrorists (are there any other kinds?) blows in some windows in the Sistine Chapel.  This attack causes the right-wing Tedesco to overplay his hand, declaring war on Islam.  Inexplicably, Tedesco's Muslim-hating speech causes the right-thinking cardinals to back a liberal dark-horse candidate.  This is wishful thinking of a particular egregious West Wing sort -- if you make a heart-felt speech people will change their minds.  But, of course, this sort of thing happens only in movies and on TV.  The picture has a good cast:   Ralph Fiennes is gloomy and tormented as Lawrence a priest who has lost his faith, not in God, but in the Mother Church -- his role is to manage the unruly cardinals and impel them toward consensus.  John Lithgow, convincingly smarmy, plays an ambitious cardinal who is not above bribing members of the College of Cardinals.  Stanley Tucci takes the role of the voice of common sense and sound liberal principles -- it's a thankless part but well acted.  The film's final plot twist seems a gesture of desperation -- not much of interest has happened in the movie and something needs to be done to gin-up a big ending.  But this plot twist is ill-advised and not even anatomically plausible and adds nothing to the picture.  Conclave is a prestigious picture, well made in all respects, but it's cautiously written, anxious to not offend, and, so, seems to have offended just about everybody anyway.  There's nothing even remotely profound about the picture and, in some ways, for instance, it's treatment of women (they are cooks or spoilers or victims of sexual violence) embodies exactly the things that the movie condemns.  Nothing is more conservative, ultimately, than mild-mannered, complacent liberalism.